“The SON I’VE NEVER KNOWN”

“THE SON I’VE NEVER KNOWN”
Hi! I know you don’t know me, but I’m sure I am your son. Man what an understatement
to say that I was truly stunned.

14 years ago he found me hidden in the Twi-light Zone. This strong son of my blood, whom
I had never known.

My emotions exploded, who was this son? I had missed all of his life. He was now 21 a man in
his own rite.

My mother told me about you and I knew that it was time, that I reach out to this unknown father
of mine. Loving words from a son I’d never known. Would he ever know that I came to love him in that
moment in time?

He told me he had been reared by a father he loved and respected. What was I to say. If I couldn’t
be there for him; I would have it know other way.

His next words shook me to my very core. There is enough love to go around, and I’m here if you
need some more. In that moment I knew I’d never be alone; because of a son I’d never known.

He did not judge his mother, nor did he judge me. He decided it was time to share our lives because of our blood,
we share the same family tree. Can you believe it to the Zone, he came to find me.

I say to  you “D” we share more than blood. Our hearts are the very same. I hear it in the words you say and the higher
power you claim.

I have a word for this son who has never held my hand. The things I’ve heard you say about God lets’s me know you are a special kind of man.

What do I say to this son? This son I have never known. I can’t say what most fathers would say; I can’t tell him to be strong.
that is a quality he has already shown. This Son I’ve Never Known.

Note: There are many children out there beyond the wall who don’t know their mothers or fathers. Consider what enrichment knowing their parents might bring to their lives and make the best choice for the children. Knowing of my son has helped my son and I. ” The Son I Had Never Known” is real for so many others who live outside the Zone.

“2001 My Situation”

“2001 My Situation”

My mind seeks rest, my heart seeks a friend, and my soul goes
without
Because of the situation I am in.
My situation causes pain, destruction and disgrace; it has even
caused
My loved ones to disappear before my face. Some of them lasted for
A winter.
Others through the spring and fall; The stronger of them through
The
summer, but my situation out lasted them all.
Now it’s only me and my situation and it haunts me like a curse.
Some May
Think that my situation will out last my life here on earth. But my
God
Forbid, He wont allow my situation to last that long, He made all
Man
And my situation is not that strong.
Why did my love ones let my situation scare them away, was there
Love For
Me ever real? Or was it out of sight out of mind as they say.
As for me i must respect my situation, It’s Taught me what’s really
Real; And
That’s not the situation I am in, But about myself how i feel. Situations
Are just
Situations, loving ones-self that what’s Real.

“15 YEARS LATER”

“2016 MY SITUATION”

My mind has grown, my heart has a twin,
My soul honors a Savior who Joins me within.

My situation has gone from pain to joy,
I’m a much better person than ever before.

Destruction and disgrace no longer exist,
From the Twilight Zone it’s my fellow man I pray to assist.

My loved ones never disappeared before my face,
I was unable to see them from the dark side of this place.

I now realize that in the winter when it was so cold,
it was the prayers of loved ones that restored my soul!

In the fall while I was very low,
my situation consumed and I said in despair the things that I said before.

It was in the spring that I begin to rise,
and see the love of family and friends, always there before my eyes.

It was in the summer that understanding came to be,
that no matter what, life would always be more than my situation and me!

My situation did not outlast my life in the Twilight Zone,
Look for me family I’ll soon be home!

I know my situation didn’t scare you away, never out of sight and out of mind,
it was me who is living in another place and another time.

As for me, I’ve learned to respect my situation, I know what is real,
Something much more powerful than me sent me to this place to heal!

Situations are just situations,
Loving ones self, That’s what is real!!

(“From all of us in the Zone who,
Has allowed our situation to over power our Relationship with you!”)

“What Do I Say”

(Twi-light)
(“What Do I Say”)
What do i say to my first born son,
about mama going away and not coming home?
Do i tell him i love him, something he already know,
how do i really prove it when I’m not there to hold him, pick up a Kleenex,
wipe his runny nose?
What do i say to my son about who will fix his breakfast, take him to pre-school
you know , those little special things mothers always do?
What do i say to a son who will be sixteen when I’m free,
who’s only memory of a mother’s touch comes from when he was three,
Because his father is no longer with me?
What do i say!?
(Twi-light)

“I Cried”

(“I Cried”)
I cried and cried and cried after the visit with my daughter today,
“Mama, Daddy does the best he can, but he can’t fix my hair the right way,”
It’s heartbreaking to hear a ten year old define her father that way.
“The kids laugh at me in school sometimes, but mom, i don’t care what they say;
I said i wasn’t going to tell you, but what really gets to me is that you won’t be there when i get home from school each day”!
I Cried!
My daughter’s loving words never stop resonating in my mind,
I try my best to hold up, but everyday i cry at sometime.
How could i have done those things to leave my daughter behind,
and cause me to spend each of my days crying!?
I Cried
(Twi-light)

“Living In Hell,Married To An Angel”

(“Living In Hell. Married To An Angel”)
I know it’s hard to believe the two can co-exist
especially when i live in a place like this!
As we stood there, She said some words she truly took to heart,
Through Hell and high water she’s lived them each day; “Till Death Do We Part”.
From Hell, i ask the lord when i pray,
What did i do for him to send an Angel my way,
Someone to always stay with me and force the darkness Away?
Being married to an angel is not an easy task,
She light my way because she loves me, knowing all about my past.
I’m praying for a resurrection to be set free, I’m praying to someday give back to her what she has given me!
(Twi-light)

“Introduction of Aman”

I am a father of 6 children. My wife and I were successful business owners until we fell on hard times. Many of the factories and surrounding businesses in our community were shut down due to the 2008 economy crisis. Our childcare facility had come to an abrupt halt. We were 3 months behind on our mortgage and Christmas was approaching swiftly. My family and I were feeling the pressures of total loss. Loss of business, loss of our home, and loss of control of our well-being. So I made a choice to invest the remainder of our depleted bank funds into illegal drugs to sell. I was looking for a quick fix, hoping to stabilize our spiraling downward at warp speed when my nightmare began.

March 16, 2010, the federal Marshals engulfed my reality, and enslaved my freedom. No citizen could ever fathom the thought of being incarcerated or the thought of being separated from your loved ones other than death itself. So please allow me “AMAN” to escort you through my journey to hell, Behind the Wall.

On February 2, 2011, I was sentenced to 121 months in the federal penitentiary. After 1 year of tug a war court proceedings of continuous fighting for a sentence between the guideline range of 5 years to 40 years for selling cocaine, I was convicted. Feeling nauseated, and weak kneed from my sentencing verdict I mustered enough strength to remain attentive to hear the last muffling words from the judge, saying “the Defendant is to be housed in a prison in Kentucky. This will allow his family an opportunity to have as strong of family ties as possible under these life altering circumstances.” Being stifled by the verdict of my new reality, my attention focused on my family. How could I still be the best father, brother, friend, son, and husband regardless of our new situation. I say our situation because we all have a new reality. The absence of one person has a lasting effect on every soul entwined in family and friendship. True love is a bond never broken, our pains are one in the same. Moving forward.

March 13, 2011, I arrived in California. Stunned, shocked, and terrified, I began to question how and why? explaining that my judge recommended I’d be housed in Kentucky to remain close to my family. Orientation was the following day. I was informed that I was now a product of the FBOP and my judge had no say in where the FBOP decided to house inmates. Distraught, in a state of delusion, somewhat delirious, I wrecked my brain trying to process How does a Judge can have no power? 3000 plus miles away from Bowling Green, KY, my family struggling to understand How was I locked in prison in Lompoc, California, when Lompoc was the farthest institution from Kentucky? I would never dare add any more stress on my loved ones so I lied. Being a man not too fond of lying, in this case I had to lie, because the truth had the power to suffocate my mother, wife, and children. To give them a visual nightmare to my actual reality, under no circumstance, could I allow them to see a picture so vivid. So I lied instinctively and told them not to worry, that I would only be here for approximately 6 months, knowing that no explanation would be sufficient, I tried my best to hide the truth that I was in a warzone, in a land of the unknown. The prison was flooded with gangs, Bloods, Crips, GD’s, Vice lords, Mexican Mafia, Soriano’s, all different gangs which was foreign to anything I’ve ever known living in Bowling Green. The truth was I did not know if I would make it home.

Reality settled in instantly. Though I loved my family dearly, I had to stay in tuned with my surroundings, to have a fighting chance to return home, when any situation could turn to life or death in a blink of an eye. Racial tension could be felt like arthritis in the bones. I had to carry a fiberglass shank for protection because everybody had a knife made of fiberglass, which was as deadly as a samurai sword, capable of gutting or filleting fish. It could not be detected by a metal detector, and I prayed I’d never have to use it or get caught with or without it. To get caught with it would be jeopardizing good time loss, or an increase in prison security levels. To be caught without it would be jeopardizing my health, well-being, and life which I could never chance. These were new realities I could never share with my family because I knew that my mother’s blood pressure would skyrocket through the roof. I knew my wife would stress to the point that she could not conceal her emotions from our children. I knew a domino effect would begin to place a stranglehold on the ones I loved most, the very people I would protect with my life. So it was a given, that I had to shoulder the weight of my reality and shelter the hearts and minds of those who mattered most.

However, Lompoc had many educational programs which I occupied my days with. One program I recall in particular was a parenting class, which many inmates loved. It was a course taught by a volunteer, outside contractor. The instructor was dismissed for questioning, How does the FBOP encourage family ties when it has a design to break family bonds by sending so many men and women thousands of miles from home. I could relate to everyone of them being 3000 miles plus away from home. The instructor asked “How could he help mend broken families when many men were not able to have a physical relationship at all due to the extreme distance between parents and children?” He said “the ability to look into your children’s eyes as often as possible and engaging physically as much as possible has a lifetime effect and no family should be completely torn apart from locking men and women up across country.”

He said “the 1st part in parenting was availability.” He was dismissed for having compassion and the ability to show empathy to a prisoner. Before the instructor expressed his thoughts and feelings, he told our class that he didn’t think the FBOP will like or approve of today’s lesson but he felt impelled to share his heart with us prisoners.

He said “it was the humanly thing to do.” Food for thought..Could the FBOP really be designed to break family bonds? Or is this a byproduct of just assigning human beings to a prison bed? Harsh reality shows that some of the methods used by the FBOP are truly detrimental to any family bond. I will express many other concerns real soon and Do my best to paint prison pictures more vivid than HD. Sign off now ”

“Aman”

“GOD’S LIGHT”

Twi-light, and I had a conversation, as we talked he said to me that, we had to separate Church and State, I accepted his answer, Then he showed me what he had written; Oh My GOD! I could see the prison within a prison; I could see the place, that he has had to live. Deep in a place where his very existence was threatened minute by minute. I could hear the silent cries of fear, the terrors by night and the fight to survive; to return to a life that will always seem like it has moved beyond you, so I said to him , “you said church and state had to be separate”, but they can’t, because the only light that shined in the Twi-light was a light that would and could never go out!

“And the earth was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of GOD moved upon the face of the waters. And GOD said let ther be light: and there was light”            (Gen. 1:2-3).

“And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehened it not”.(Jn 1:5).

“GOD’S Light”

 

 

 

 

“Twilight The Poem”

TWILIGHT
Twilight is a Dim Period between day and night,
When you are stuck there nothing seems right.
A journey that never seems to end,
How am I to determine where one stops and the other begins?
Are we always to be stuck in between,
Never to share the Light and Darkness Of Our Dreams?
For me Twilight Must End,
So I can share In Light or Darkness The Love Of Family And Friend!
BY:TWI-LIGHT

“Daddy’s Girl”

Daddy’s Girl
I wish you could have seen her as she did her pirvotie, coming into an attitude, showing her most beautiful dance move yet!
As I watch her I can hear your voice so clear:”My Ballerina, did you see that Allegro, Perfect in everyway?’
mark My Words Sweetheart, listen to what I say, by this time next year she will be on the championship stage, I see it in her today!”
You were right tonight she was crowned Prima Ballerina at only six years old. She is so much like you. She has a loving soul.
I asked about the smile lighting up her face?
She said: “I Was thinking of daddy, how long is he going tube in that place?”
We have another secret that I’ve kept from you.
She cries at night and calls out your name, and Baby “I DO IT, TOO!”
BY: TWI-LIGHT

“Tell My Son”

Tell My Son

You said you would always be there, that our family would always grow,
Last week I took Junior to Father’s Day at school, when asked where his
Father was, he could only answer: “I Don’t Know”!!
I know you told me I should tell him you were in prison and you would be gone for a very longtime, but he loves you so and I wonder what that news would do to his mind?
How, How Baby, can I tell Junior to be Strong, and in the same breath tell him that his father now lives in the Twilight Zone;
And I can’t say when he is coming home.
BY: TWI-LIGHT