“Beat my Daughter you crazy!!!”
First and foremost, I would like to start by saying that the following statements are not in anyway, shape, form, or fashion meant to offend anyone, nor are they meant as a tool to cast judgment on the parenting style of others. They are merely the thoughts and/or beliefs of the author. As parents we do the best we can, but if the goal truly is to be the best parent we can be for our children, then we must always be open to any and all information that will assist us in accomplishing that goal.
Now with that being said, I believe that a Father is his sons first hero. And his daughters first love, an they way we parents our children will have a lasting affect on their lives as well as the lives of their children. Because in essence, you are teaching them how to be a parent in the way you parent them. In the black community, we were raised on spankings, or discipline came from, let’s say, “Beat that a**.” But no one ever questioned where this form of discipline came from, but that’s another debate for another time.
For now I will just share some information on how spankings effect the child, and I can speak from my own experience with being disciplined this way. So I will start with the boys. First off we have to be aware of the subconscious mind, because subconscious thinking is a very tricky and sometimes a dangerous thing. The subconscious mind acts on it's own without the individual being aware of the thoughts, it's like programming a computer to act off a certain command or at a certain time. Once programmed, the computer will carry out the act without further instructions. This is what the subconscious mind does. I say that to say this, when we spank our sons we are subconsciously teaching them to handle their problems with violence instead of using their strongest muscle, "The Brain". Most children are carrying problems just as well as the parent, but a child hasn't had enough life experiences to know how to handle the emotions that come with the problems they face. Whether that problem is an absent parent, poverty, depression, etc.
So when the child becomes angry, stressed or upset by his/her circumstances, these feelings will usually manifest in some form of behavior problems causing the child to ACTED OUT: Back talking, fighting in the school, rebellion ect. But this is nothing more than a cry for help. And when that cry for help is met with another “a** whooping” the end result will be more anger in that child. Which is a very dangerous thing for our young black males. Because they grow up like I did, and associate violence with these emotions. And men tend to handle most of our problems in that way (with violence). I believe violence is a man’s answer when he is no longer capable of thinking his way through any given situations. So for all the men who are going to read this and say, “Fk that! I’m whooping my kids a!”, you have to take a honest look at yourself and make a serious attempt at correcting the areas where you’re lacking mentally. Because there’s no excuse for us as grown and suppose to be strong black men to raise our hand to a child that see’s us as his hero. We should be mentally sharp enough to discipline them without physical force.
Now, let’s move on to how we are effecting our daughters. when addressing our little girls, we have to keep in mind that as her father, you are the very first man she ever fell in love with and your actions and the way you treat her, as well as her mother, will be HER pattern for how a man is to treat her later in life. Therefore, when you being her first love, raises your hand to discipline her, you’re subconsciously teaching her that it’s okay for the man she loves to put their hands on her. So God forbid later in life she ends up with a man that raises his hand to her. The likely hood of her staying in that situation has greatly been heightened by the very first man she looked to for Love, Affection, and protection. Because your actions have programmed her in that way, remember the subconscious mind and how it becomes programmed to act by life experiences!
I hear men all day say how they will never put their hands on a woman, because that’s some “sucka shit” or a “cowards move.” So how can you say this but think it’s acceptable to do it to our little girls? Now that’s the most backwards way of thinking I’ve ever seen. When did it become okay to hit a little girl, and where did this thinking come from? Oh, that’s right, it’s because we love them and are trying to teach them! Well newsflash. Maybe it’s us that needs to be taught, our parents gave us what they had to give. So just because you were raised a certain way doesn’t make it right. But it’s our duty to try and be better parents to our children than our parents were for us. Even if we had great parents. We are rearing Kings and Queens, but they will never reach their potential if we continue to treat them like essants. I wrote this with love in my heart. And if I reach just one person, then I did my job.
So I end as I started. With Love! Peace!
Demetrius D. Thomas-Key